Accepting loss

Today the online obit and guestbook for the victim of the accident was started.  It already had 43 enties.  There is a picture of Dave.  When I saw it, I felt like a had closure.  It was like "yes, it was really him that died in that accident."  I also found comfort from reading the entries.  There are townhouses right off the highway where the accident happened.  One of the people who woke and saw the accident left such a nice entry.

I know that we will never know exactly what happened that started the chain of events leading up to death.  I wish they could figure it out.  I think it might help the family.  My husband goes to work by where the accident happened.  He said that from the skid marks it looked like he was in the left lane and went diagonally to the right into the guard rail and was shoot across the 2 lanes with the brakes locked and into the concrete barrier.  From there the car must have flipped and rolled.  At some point, Dave was thrown from the car.  Most likely he was either killed or unconscious when the car hit the barrier.  He probably had little time to think about what was happening. 

My husband and i talked about it and think he may have had a tire blow.  I would rather believe that than think it was some driver error.  He seemed too careful for that.

Grief is so hard because it does not just come and go.  It slams into you and slowly slips away over time.  It never gets easier,  For me, I grieve by taking about the loss.  I feel that as I talk I release some of the excess emotion.  Like a boiler letting off some steam.

Time is truely a healer.  We just need to be patient.