Honoring my mom

April 2 marked the 18 year anniversery of my mom's passing.  Time does ease the pain of loss.  I was 37 1/2 and my children were still young.  It makes me sad to think of all the things my mom missed of my children's growing up.  I believe she saw them from the other side.  It is not the same thing as seeing her reaction to my son's 1st home run. 
Now my husband is dealing with almost 3 months of his mom's passing.  I can understand the mix of feelings he is going through.

The hardest part is the distribution and disposal of the house and contents.  His  one sister, who is in charge of the estate has not changed anything.   The house looks like his mother is coming back any moment.  It reminds me of a shrine.

I wonder if it honoring or denying a mother's passing.  I had to go through my mother's things which was so hard.  I kept some things and disposed of many things.  Over the years some of the things I had taken such as clothes have beaten the dust.  But even if the objects are gone the memories remain.  That is more important than trying to preserve the ideal imagine.

All things come to an end and are recycled into something new.  I think the longer you try to hold on to what was, the more you are really dishonoring the memory of mom. 

We mothers give birth, love and nuture our children.  We teach them how to manage in the world because we know that one day we will leave this world and they will remain.  I think the greatest honor we can pay to our mothers is to be able to mourn them, cherish their memories and get on with our lives.

Mom I still miss you terribly.  I know you will be waiting when it is my time to pass over.  I know that you will put your arms around me and welcome me.  That my heart will swell with love and peace.  Until that time, I know you walk with me on my path through life.  Just because I can not see or touch you, I can feel you in my heart.

That is the way I honor all that you did for me in our time together on earth.  Love you mom.